01. Serotonin
Paranoia,
you woke up
screaming
in the night.
I held you tightly,
chased those
terrors
out of sight.
Were you honest?
Did you want
to bear my child?
Or were those
sentiments
serotonin
side effects?
Hike up your dress
and show me
the scars
that swirl your leg,
testament
to times of trial,
and I'll show you
the box
under my bed.
Serotonin,
swimming in
a sea of
smiles.
Now we're dancing,
and you
whisper
besa moi.
Were you honest?
Did you want
to bear my child?
Were you honest?
Did you want
to bear my child?
02. Warmth Of A Dryer
I don't have the fortitude,
and you don't have the time
to get caught up in catering to me.
Let's share our attitudes,
our impulses and skills,
those lustful thoughts
and love hypotheses.
Let's hit the bedroom,
hungry little baby.
I'll play daddy.
You play daddy's other girl.
But I am a burden,
difficult to carry.
If you had me,
you'd find better somewhere else.
Flash
in the pan,
shining star
of luminescent
hope.
Clutch the veins
upon my wrist
with homewrecking hands.
The warmth of a dryer
on my frozen legs
made a moment in my mind.
We shared a whole
bottle of wine.
Seems like an hour
when we spoke the day
over prison walls I climbed.
To share some
empty time.
When you got fucked over
I was far away,
clinging gravely to dead time.
Drive past those houses
each day,
how I wish that car were mine,
the one that made you cry.
03. Fancy Free
Finally!
You have found a man
who is everything
I never was and more.
This polar opposite
will leave you broken,
prostrate on the floor
Go!
Live your life
so fancy free!
Look out for number one
and forget me.
Darling, you were quicksand
and I had sunken into the abyss.
with all your tricks and
patterns of unncessary bliss
OOO BABY!
Dance all night
with your brand new boy
just like I never would!
OOO BABY!
Galavant
through your brand new home
your brand new neighborhood.
Sweetheart all your big plans
will stumble
when you long for pregnancy.
So good luck finding
a man to raise your children,
who won't fuck other women
and not become your parent.
Was all this trouble
really worth it?
OOO BABY!
Talk all night
of your brand new plans
and revel in the joy
OOO BABY!
Sleep so tight
when your brand new man
turns out to be a boy.
04. I'm Not Apt At Speaking French
Peanut bags,
sleeping pills,
airline food
for 16 hours.
Flying from
this hellhole,
to Florence
and to Bordeaux
You frolick
topless on the beach
of the Mediterranean sea.
I'm dwelling
helpless on the fact
all the men will be eyeraping you.
I'm not apt at speaking french,
but I've seen you at your worst
walking out an open door.
Then walk back in
looking your best,
as I stumble on my words,
you admit I'm not the first.
Left a part of yourself
in an alley in Spain,
GOODBYE
Spanish men!
Do the foreign landscapes
amaze you enough?
Your heart doesn't
ache too much?
Check the mail
every hour.
No response.
Your words don't reach me.
Amelia Earheart carry letters
across the stormy white seas
to ma cheri.
05. Obsession Blues
Your brand new life
is a stressful one.
You've got no time for grieving
cuz you're always on the run.
Obsession blues,
I've been watching you.
One night
you will awake
to find me standing
in your room.
When you tell me
I am ill
and my heads not right,
your words
were nonchalant.
You haunt me
with your taunts.
Your brand new man
is a talking one,
a social butterfly
not the awkward silent type.
His voice it booms!
When he speaks,
you swoon!
A vocal kind of guy,
convenient
substitute.
When he holds you
in his arms
and your nightmares start,
he'll be as silent as I was,
silent and confused.
When you'd gaze up
from my chest
with that doe-eyed stare,
I was entranced and hypnotized
by your dreary faced disguise.
06. Gloria
Our firstborn
was set to be named
Gloria. Gloria.
Our thirst poured
out to procreate
Gloria. Gloria.
We were wild
animals untamed,
Gabrielle. Gabrielle.
We turned off the air,
took off our clothes.
The heat wrapped
around us
in a stranglehold.
Our first child
conceived in lust:
Gloria, Gloria.
A heartbeat
sprang from the dust.
Euphoria, euphoria.
We woke in
the morning
the sheets were bleeding.
Our future
draining out of your insides.
We spoke of
recreating
the magic of the evening.
We knew it was in vain.
We knew it was in vain.
Our love soured
over the months,
Gabrielle. Gabrielle.
Our first child
was to be named
Gloria. Gloria.
07. Final Scene
And in our final scene,
I'll lift you up.
You'll bury me
inside a scarlet coffin
coated in rosebuds, darling.
These lonely holidays,
unbearable.
Good memories
are ruined all too often
draped in dreams and deadlines.
Such intriguing endings.
And in our final act,
You'll carry me
upon your back
across a sapphire ocean
covered in sparkling diamonds.
Below the crashing waves,
so terrible,
the storming seas
are bound to one day soften
like your painful silence.
I've been slowly sinking.
Slowly.
I just need
to find my keys.
Broken bottle
in the street.
Picking up
the sharpest piece,
dragged along my skin.
The cut is clean.
The cut is clean.
08. Romantic Monstrosity
Woke up early
to the frigid morning air.
You're taking off again.
So long
for good,
I won't forget you.
So long
aurevoir,
I won't forget you.
The bed was empty.
There was anguish in my voice.
You will not come home.
I know I should have
tried to stop you.
And if I could,
I would have stopped you.
I knew I should have
tried to stop you
when I had the chance,
victims now
of happenstance.
Sheets with bloody fingerprints,
a lust so deep and ravenous.
A recipe for ecstasy
replaced by melancholy,
this romantic monstrosity,
this passionate catastrophe.
I savored
every smile
from the thicket
to the mall.
I prepared
for a while.
Our future sprayed
on my wall.
I savored
every smile.
Now it's done once
and for all.
I prepared
for a while
for this final
curtain call.
09. Sorry For Being So Sorry
I'm sorry
for being
so sorry
all the time.
I won't speak of the future anymore.
I'D BURY
these feelings,
bury all of them
if there was room
in my heart
for something else.
I can't say goodbye
without putting up
a fight.
My love is resigned.
I've murdered my pride.
The look in my eyes
is light years away,
drifting lost and gone.
drifting into space.
I'm needy
and clingy,
so desperate
all the time.
I write so I won't
face your wrath.
This feeling
is fleeting,
at least you say it is.
But my flame
still burns bright
tonight.
So call anytime.
Morning,
noon,
or night.
Your words ignite
this dimly lit fire.
I'll wake to a ring.
My heart skips a beat.
I'll be there to speak,
the friend you cannot see.
10. A Sculptor's Touch
When you sleep
with all the lights up high,
will you think of me?
When you dream
of all our nights on fire,
sweet tranquility.
Will we meet
upon the avenue?
Will we meet
upon the shore?
Those busy streets
that seemed so warm to you,
I don't walk them anymore.
And I know.
We are only friends.
Where'd you go?
It had to end so slow.
This time
you'll bloom and grow.
Bloom and grow.
You molded me
with a sculptor's touch,
put me in the kiln.
The scorching heat
burned the edges off,
pulled me out brand new.
Every night
a car wreck
in my mind.
Where'd you go?
My legs
are paralyzed.
And I know.
We are only friends.
Where'd you go?
This times gone by so slow.
Your time to bloom and grow.
Bloom and grow.
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